Hollywood Product: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (1)
GENRE: Yet Another Toy Franchise Adaptation as a super-secret elite army squadron kicks ass all over the world (quite literally).
PITCH: After a team of soldiers is ambushed during delivery of NATO-funded nano-technology weapons sold by a multinational arms-dealing corporation, a global pursuit ensues to recover the precious robo microbes.
MONEY SHOTS: The microscopic robots can be programmed to eat anything on command, and at one point chew through the insides of the Eiffel Tower, toppling it over in a spectacularly obvious CGI destruction scene. (Question: Did Hollywood get so tired of wrecking American cities that weve now seen two blockbusters this season that rake through the streets of Paris?) Several battle scenes are rich in crudish CGI, with the last, long sequence taking place under water with some impressive maneuvers.
GOT YER BAILOUT RIGHT HERE: A Hummer (made by General Motors) rumbles through Paris, crashing against every compact two-door car (including some Smart cars) in its way.
AWESOMELY BAD LINES: “Knowing is half the battle,” General Hawk (Dennis Quaid) preaches to his soldiers. “My father taught me how to win,” a shaken Scarlett (Rachel Nichols) tells Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) after losing a fight. “Dont make me shoot a woman,”
Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) warns as they confront Ana (Sienna Miller) for the first time. “Were tough, but were also sensitive,” says Wayans as Ripcord, who has several corny moments and lines.
(Photo courtesy Paramount Pictures)