The Blotter: A parting shot

The Blotter

Around 5 a.m., a woman called police from her Ormewood Park apartment and said that her friend had taken some drugs. Two cops raced to the apartment and found the friend sitting on the couch. Medics treated her but she refused to go to a hospital. Meanwhile, cops spotted "a marijuana bong in the living room and there was an odor of burnt marijuana," an officer noted. A female cop — a lieutenant — asked the first woman if there were any more drugs in her apartment. According to the police report, the female cop then "through coercion advised that a K-9 dog will come out or you can just give us the drugs." The woman said she had a little marijuana in her bedroom. She retrieved it and handed it over. The cops took the marijuana back to a police precinct and started writing their report. That's when a supervisor explained that since coercion was used, no charges could be filed.

The two cops couldn't resist a parting shot. In their written report, they noted that the lieutenant "made the City of Atlanta a little safer by taking drugs off the city streets today." Hopefully, the lieutenant will be reprimanded for not remembering — or ignoring — basic police procedures.

UNDER WHERE? A 19-year-old man strolled into an East Point clothing store and tried on a pair of boxer shorts. He never took them off. In the dressing room, he snipped off the price tags and donned the stolen underwear. A store clerk noticed the price tags on the ground and called police. At first, the suspect denied everything. But the evidence was plainly visible on his rear.

The officer wrote, "I noticed he had two pair of underwear on because his pants were sagging." So, the young man confessed to underwear theft. "The underwear totaled in cost $3.20 including tax," the officer noted. The store manager didn't want the underwear back, so the young man got to wear his stolen underwear to jail.

SOLE-SEARCHING: A barefoot man was sitting in the middle of a street in downtown Atlanta. A pair of blue slippers were lying in the road nearby. A cop asked the man to get his shoes out of the road. "Those aren't my shoes," the man replied. According to the cop, the man freaked out and threatened to "put a bullet in my mouth." The cop again asked the man to get out of the street. The man refused. He said he wasn't going anywhere and then "he punched me in the leg with a closed fist," the officer noted. The man went to jail on a disorderly conduct charge. No word on what happened to his blue slippers.

QUICK SPURT, PLEASE: An undercover officer answered an escort ad and met a woman in her rented room at a Midtown hotel. The woman explained that she offers 30-minute and one-hour sessions. She told the cop: If you ejaculate quickly, you should buy the shorter session. Also, she said she doesn't do anal sex but she's "full service" and the guy can give her oral sex. The cop booked the full-hour session for $250, then promptly busted the woman for prostitution. The woman, a 23-year-old from Chicago, went to jail.

HEALING SWAG: In Lake Claire, a 31-year-old doctor decided to leave her pricey medical bag inside her VW Jetta overnight. The next morning — big surprise — the doctor noticed that her car door was wide open and her medical bag was gone. She's confused because she said her car automatically locks and her car had absolutely no signs of forced entry. Her missing black medical bag contained her stethoscope and a Fundus lens (worth $500). We're having fun imagining a thief opening the medical bag and realizing the only prize was stethoscope and lens. Perhaps good for playing doctor.

JUNK FOOD DIVA: At a Florida Heights dollar store, a 21-year-old woman tried to leave with a bulging purse filled with $17 worth of junk food. The manager confronted her and then searched her purse and found: one Hot Pocket Philly cheese steak sandwich, some Lunchable nachos, a Pillsbury Strawberry Pop-Tart, Starburst candy, and sour Jolly Ranchers. Also wedged inside: a Sprite and a Fanta orange soda. She's spending some time in jail, perhaps rethinking her penchant for junk-food binges. Turns out, the woman has a previous warrant for shoplifting junk food in Gwinnett County earlier this fall.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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