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The Blotter: Break a sweat

Bizarre stories from Atlanta police reports

A woman dressed in a pink hat, pink boots, and a pink T-shirt walked into a lingerie store at Lenox Mall with a less-than-sexy crime goal. According to the security guards, the woman allegedly stuffed $1,100 worth of sweatpants and sweatshirts into her tote bag and then vanished.

The woman escaped with at least 15 sweatshirts and 15 sweatpants, yet did not take a single piece of lingerie.

Reunion denied

In Old Fourth Ward, a cop saw a white car drive into the skate park at 2:36 a.m. “The park closes every night at 11 pm,” the cop noted, “I started to talk to the driver from the patrol vehicle. The driver revved up his engine repeatedly and acted as if he did not hear anything I was saying,” the cop wrote. Next, the driver, a 33-year-old Decatur man, sped right by the cop’s patrol car while the cop was exiting the car. “I could see that the driver’s movements were delayed. Specifically, it appeared he was moving in slow motion,” the cop noted. “I then approached the driver’s side of the vehicle and asked the driver to turn the vehicle off. ... I then asked the driver what he was doing coming to the park after hours. The driver told me he was not in any park but driving home in a slurred voice. The smell of alcohol got even stronger.”

The cop asked the man how much alcohol he had to drink. “A fucking lot, a whole lot,” the man replied. “I immediately noticed he had urinated in his pants when he got out of the vehicle,” the cop observed. The Decatur man failed several field sobriety tests, so the cop charged him with DUI. The Decatur man kept repeating that the cop didn’t need to arrest him. “Even so, he told me that he and his car only needed some rest,” the cop wrote. “[The driver] then suggested me to allow him to walk to his work in the area to rest. He stated he was a manager and owner of several restaurants. He told me the car would get its rest at the location and he would return tomorrow to reunite with it.”

The cop refused that crafty “reuniting” suggestion. At the jail, the cop confiscated the Decatur man’s driver’s license and gave him a copy of his Temporary Driving Permit. “I then explained and presented the Driving Permit to [the Decatur man]. He told me he was onto my tricks because he had gone down that road before and was not signing anything to say he was drunk.”

The cop tried to explain: This piece of paper will allow you to drive to specific places while your DUI case is being processed by the courts. But the Decatur man refused to sign, which will make “reuniting” with his rested-up car much more difficult.

Redecorating frustration?

In Virginia-Highland, a woman called police on her neighbor “for making too much noise and throwing his furniture out on the grass in front of the apartment where they live.” The first time she called, police could not get the male neighbor to answer his door. According to the woman, after the police left the male neighbor threatened her and alledgedly said he was going back downstairs to get his gun. The woman kept calling police but the neighbor refused to answer his door. No arrests.

Strange surprise

In Old Fourth Ward, a 22-year-old man woke up, walked to his living room, and spotted a weird guy with spiky hair and a full beard kneeling down in front of his television. The suspect was dressed in all black and was wearing a blue and red bandana as a headband. “[The 22-year-old] was surprised to see anyone else in his home, and the suspect stood up and gave [him] a surprised look and began scratching his head,” a cop noted. The suspect gathered himself and told the 22-year-old to go back to his bedroom if he didn’t want to get shot. The 22-year-old went back to his bedroom until the suspect left with an Xbox One and its two controllers. Police swept his apartment and found one partial fingerprint on the patio door.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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