The Blotter: Don't get too cocky

Atlanta crime blotter

On a recent Sunday morning, a 34-year-old fitness instructor parked his silver Porsche on Charles Allen Drive and strolled over to lead his boot-camp class at Grady High School's athletic field. During the workout, a class member vaguely heard the "sound of air" coming from the Porsche and saw a woman in gray workout clothes near the Porsche. A few minutes later the fitness instructor says the same woman walked right in front of him on the Grady track. The fitness instructor instantly recognized her as a married Dunwoody woman whom he "dated for a month and they had a bad break-up and she previously threw cookies at him," according to the police report.

The fitness instructor raced over to check his Porcshe and saw that the front tire was punctured and deflated. An officer looked around but couldn't find any signs the mystery Dunwoody woman. The officer said: If you really believe someone you only dated for a month would stab your Porsche, then you need to take out a warrant for her arrest.

PARKING DIVA: In West Atlanta, a woman said she parked her red Dodge Challenger near the leasing office of her Huff Road apartment complex at around 5 p.m. The next morning, her car was covered with trash. She poked around the trash and found a small card with a note: "You suck at parking and if you do this again, I will key your shit. Learn how to park, asshole." The woman, 27, said she was going to talk to the leasing manager and try to stop the mysterious trash person, but she wants a police report just in case. She did not mention why she failed to park outside her own apartment.

CRIMSON PURLOINER: A clerk said a man nicknamed "Red" swiped five pairs of white socks (worth $25) from a Kirkwood convenience store around 3 a.m. Apparently, Red is a frequent flyer there. The clerk said every time Red steals, he does the exact same thing: He props the door open with a rock so she can't automatically lock the door from her post behind the counter. Then he grabs several items, usually socks, but sometimes boots and pornographic magazines. Red works fast — from the time he props the door open, he is in and out of the store in about 10 seconds, the clerk said.

Red was long gone by the time cops arrived. Apparently, the clerk is not well-versed in crime fighting or her own store equipment. She doesn't know how to work the store surveillance video system, so she has no tape of Red and can't figure out how to stop him.

FEELING DIRTY OR OCD? At a Westside dollar store, a woman was busted stuffing seven cleaning items into her black purse. A security guard grabbed her before she left. Inside her purse, there were three Mr. Clean Erasers, one bottle of Mr. Clean Meadows, a bottle of Fabuloso cleaner, and two Febreze air fresheners. The woman, 39, confessed to the cleaning-binge theft and went to jail.

LINGERING GRUDGE: At the pink marble skyscraper in downtown, a 35-year-old man said he fired a guy two years ago and banned him from the building. Now the guy won't leave him alone. According to the police report, the man claims that the former worker called two days in a row and repeated, "God is going to get you and you would not be around much longer." The suspect is a 52-year-old Mableton man. Security has audio recording of the harassing calls and video showing the man lurking at the building.

SAVING FACE: Around noon, two cops spotted a bunch of people in the driveway of an abandoned home on the Westside. As cops walked up, a woman clutching a Schlitz Malt Liquor beer said, "What? Am I drinking in public?" "Yes," the cop said. "Good," the woman replied, and then took a big swig of her beer. The cop told her to stop drinking the beer. "Fuck you," replied the woman. The cop arrested the woman, who dug her fingernails into his hand. "Fuck you, Motherfuckers!" she yelled, and then "turned her head and spit in my face," the cop wrote. "The arrestee was wearing a knit hat, so I pulled the hat down over her face to keep her from spitting on anyone else." The cops took the woman to jail, but jail clerks refused to take her because she was too drunk. Cops took the 42-year-old woman to Grady Detention Center instead.

DANCING DIMWIT: After midnight, a woman went to an invitation-only dance party at an East Atlanta dance studio. She put her purse in a communal-type shelf in a dark room and went to boogie down for a few hours. Later she returned to retrieve her purse but several items were stolen, including her red Betty Boop wallet, cell phone, ATM card, two credit cards, and her entire checkbook. The woman, 31, lives in Roswell. Next time you dance ITP, darling, keep your purse strapped to your body on the dance floor.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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