The Blotter: Farting around

A man passed gas while in bed with his girlfriend one morning. Of course, his fart prompted an argument. The girlfriend described it as “him farting in my face” in bed. (They share a home in Mozley Park.) After the fart fight, the man said he got up for work and asked his girlfriend if he could use her cell phone — she said no. Also, the man said he had to borrow MARTA money from their female roommate to cover the train to work. He said after he got the MARTA money, his girlfriend pulled out a knife and threatened to stab him. The man said he turned to walk out the front door and that’s when his girlfriend knifed his shoulder.

The reporting officer examined the man’s injury. “His shirt was cut and he had a cut down the back of his left shoulder. The injury did not look severe” and the man did not want medical attention.

The girlfriend’s story: During the fart fight, she and her boyfriend tussled in their bedroom. Somehow her boyfriend cut himself on a nail sticking out of the bathroom door.

The officer investigated her story. “There was not a nail on the bathroom door,” he concluded. He determined the girlfriend was probably lying, and arrested her for aggravated assault. In the patrol car, the girlfriend thrashed around, kicking and screaming. The officer called a female backup officer to the scene because the girlfriend was “half-nude, only wearing a bathrobe and bra, with no underwear,” he noted. Eventually, they got clothes on the 45-year-old girlfriend and took her to jail on aggravated assault charges.

Bag of tricks

A block from Morehouse College, police spotted a suspicious bag abandoned on the sidewalk about 20 feet from a major intersection. Two police officers proceeded to “block off the street so no one could pass,” according to the police report. A SWAT team and two fire engines filled with crews showed up. After SWAT figured out the bag was safe, police opened the bag very carefully “Upon opening the bag, we found a ‘South Park’ DVD, ‘The Godfather II’ video game, a black leather jacket, black ... sweat pants, a grey toy watch.” The Homeland Security Department was notified. Officers reopened the street to traffic. The roadblock ended around 6 p.m. on a Monday, just in time for rush hour.

School daze

Oh, seems like very little is going right for Atlanta Public Schools these days, even in summertime. Someone recently stole $19,000 worth of cafeteria machinery from a local middle school, including a 60-quart mixer (worth $5,000), two Cres Cor Hot Boxes (worth $2,500 each), a slicer ($4,000), and a vertical chopper ($5,000). The cafeteria manager said all items were secured on May 24, when they closed for business and the building and alarms were set. No suspects.

Fiery conversation

In Little Five Points, police responded to a call from a bar around 2 a.m. The bar manager said a guy walked in and claimed a bar customer owed his friends some money and if they didn’t get their money then this place would burn down. The man said he was putting in $80 of his own money to “save” them.

The bar manager repeatedly asked the man for the names of the people involved, but the man never answered the question. The man refused to leave the bar until the manager said they were calling police. Then he took off. The man has a tattoo circling his right eye, dreads (about ear-length, maybe longer) and he wore a brown T-shirt, jeans, and blue shorts under his jeans.

Bush at bus-stop

In Adair Park, a guy called police and said a strange woman — nude from the waist down — was standing in front of his home on Rockwell Street, exposing herself to traffic. The man shot video of the woman shaking it for traffic on his cell phone and showed it to the reporting officer, who decided to arrest her. “I immediately called for [the woman] and she began to run from me, saying she wasn’t going anywhere,” the officer noted. “Then, she wrapped her legs around a bus-stop pole and refused to let go. Then, she continued to intentionally fall down over and over, refusing to get into my patrol car.

She gave police a fake name. They ran her fingerprints on a mobile scanner and figured out her identity. The 36-year-old Atlanta woman went to jail on indecent exposure charges.

Pink-slipped

A 32-year-old woman from Midtown said she got very drunk when she and her boyfriend went to the Pink Pony. She said she had dressed up for the event, wearing her $5,000 diamond necklace. The woman said while she was tipsy, she somehow fell and hit her head and was momentarily unconscious. She wound up at a hospital — and now her diamond necklace is gone.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.