The Blotter February 22 2006

AT A HIPSTER STORE in Little Five Points, a man tried to steal a pair of white, knee-high schoolgirl socks (worth $4.23). As he tried to leave the store, the security alarm went off, so the man got nervous and confessed to the crime. He didn’t have any money to pay for the schoolgirl socks. The man, who hails from Dawsonville, was arrested for shoplifting.

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AROUND 7 A.M., an officer saw a white Chevy Impala parked in the driveway of a vacant house on Evans Drive. The car was running and its lights were on — but the driver was asleep. The officer tapped the window several times with his flashlight, but the driver didn’t wake up. The officer then tapped the window with a set of handcuffs. Still no response from the driver. The officer kept tapping, and eventually the driver woke up. “He looked stunned and tried to put the vehicle into drive,” the officer wrote. So the officer reached in and took the keys out of the ignition. “The driver picked up a bottle of eyedrops and acted as if they were keys,” the officer wrote. He tried to start the car with the eyedrop bottle. In addition, “He tried to start the car with several items such as a pack of gum and a cigarette lighter.”

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Eventually, the driver stopped trying to start the car with random items. The driver, a 35-year-old man from McDonough, was arrested for DUI.

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A 56-YEAR-OLD WOMAN and her husband were standing at a bus stop on Howell Mill Road. Another woman walked up. (Apparently, the husband had recently cheated on his wife with this other woman.) This other woman hit the wife’s throat with a knife handle. The husband stepped between the two women. The other woman yelled and threw her knife in the bushes and tried to dodge the husband. Then the bus arrived. The other woman fell on the steps of the bus, preventing the husband and wife from entering the bus. So they walked down the street and called a cab. The other woman followed them and threatened to kill the wife. The cab arrived and the husband and wife got inside. The other woman tried to get in the cab, so the wife pulled off her glasses, forcing the other woman to bend down to grab them. The wife said that was the only way she had time to close the cab door. The cab driver locked the door and sped away.

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AT A CONVENIENCE STORE on Lakewood Avenue, a man was harassing other customers. The man started cursing and said, “I am high as hell and I need a soda!” No one would give him a soda. The man threw a can and said, “I am coming back to put a bullet in yo’ ass!” He fled before police arrived.

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A 38-YEAR-OLD WOMAN arrived home from the grocery store and started unloading groceries. She grabbed a broom and swept some leaves from the front porch of her apartment on Boulevard. Her neighbor (a woman with long, curly hair) walked outside and started arguing. The neighbor grabbed her own broom and swept the leaves back into the 38-year-old woman’s porch. The neighbor followed the 38-year-old into her apartment, calling her and her mother “a crazy bitch.” The neighbor — still holding her broom — proceeded to whack the 38-year-old’s leg several times and threatened to kill her. The neighbor refused to leave until the 38-year-old called police. The 38-year-old said the neighbor is a constant problem for her and her family.

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AT LENOX Square, a 24-year-old man walked into Neiman Marcus and selected a pair of True Religion jeans. He went into the fitting room, removed his own jeans, and put on the True Religion jeans. He left his old jeans in the fitting room and tried to leave the store. He was arrested for shoplifting. The True Religion jeans go for $297 a pair at Neiman Marcus.

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A WOMAN CALLED POLICE and said a drunken male friend was outside her apartment, banging on the door. An officer arrived and found a 43-year-old man who “was having a hard time standing up without falling down,” the officer wrote. The woman said she didn’t want to press charges; she just wanted the man to leave. The man asked the officer “if we would take him to the Krispy Kreme so he could get some food and coffee and sober up.” The officer agreed and took the man to Krispy Kreme. About 20 minutes later, the officer got a call from Krispy Kreme about a drunk man causing a ruckus. A security guard said the man was yelling and swearing at people. Before the officer could return to Krispy Kreme, the man took off. He went back to the woman’s apartment — and the officer followed him. “I could hear [the man] banging on the door, yelling and swearing from approximately 100 feet away,” the officer wrote. The man was arrested for disorderly conduct.

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A JONESBORO WOMAN merged onto I-75 from Freedom Parkway. She allowed two cars to merge in front of her. A third car tried to merge, but the Jonesboro woman didn’t let the car into her lane. Then the Jonesboro woman looked behind her and saw that the driver of the third car (a woman) was wielding an aluminum baseball bat. The driver struck the Jonesboro woman’s car with the bat and sped away.

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A 24-YEAR-OLD WOMAN said she’s received obscene phone calls from an unknown man for the three weeks. The calls started a few days after the woman placed an ad in her church magazine, offering her services as a hair stylist.

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Items in The Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.