The Blotter August 27 2008

MARSUPIAL MANEUVERS: At a grocery store on Joseph E. Boone Boulevard, the owner said a customer came in and threatened to harm his merchandise. According to the police report, a clerk said the customer “put a dead animal [a possum] on the countertop in front of the cash register and then walked off.” The clerk said the man is a frequent customer who has some mental health issues. The clerk put the dead possum in a black bag and threw it in the trash outside. The officer wrote, “I observed the dead possum outside of the store.” The officer searched for the alleged possum-leaving customer but no luck. According to the police report, the suspect wore black jeans and a black shirt.

THE URINATOR: At Frankie Allen Park, a witness said a man peed in front of 30 baseball players on the field. When an officer arrived, the suspect was sitting in the scorer’s booth. The officer wrote: “When I asked [the suspect] to step down from the booth, he refused and then urinated where he sat. While walking to the patrol car, [the suspect] fell down and scratched his face, due to his extremely intoxicated state.” The suspect is a man in his 60s, with shoulder-length gray hair. He went to jail on a public urination charge.

FOWL PLAY: A woman allegedly approached an undercover officer’s car, after he’d parked near a Church’s Chicken. “Accused told me she was being discreet,” the officer wrote. “Accused got into my auto and asked me, Did I want some head? Accused told me she was hungry and wanted some chicken and cigarettes. I gave accused some money to buy a chicken breast. Accused charged me $20 cash for head [oral sex] and told me to take the cost of the chicken out of her fee.” The officer charged the 49-year-old woman with soliciting a sex act and took her to jail.

JUST PLAIN CRUEL: A woman said someone stole her cell phone from her bag on her wheelchair during a party. Apparently, the suspect also used the woman’s cell phone to call the MegaMates line. The party was at an intown apartment complex for elderly people.

WHEN CONDIMENTS ATTACK: In Little Five Points, a restaurant owner said someone squirted mustard on the front window between midnight and noon. No suspects.

SNACK ATTACK: A 33-year-old woman said she left her car in the parking lot of a luxury hotel/condo complex on West Peachtree Street. According to the police report, when the woman returned to her car the next morning, it had been extensively keyed/scratched and “a bag of onion chips [had been] crumbled on her passenger-side windshield.” The woman is dating a man, who has an ex-girlfriend — and the ex may be a suspect or maybe she sent a friend to mess up the car, the woman said. The woman reported $1,200 worth of damages to her 2008 black Chevy Malibu.

FENDER-BENDER GOES WAY BAD: Around 5 p.m., an officer was talking to a man with a dog outside a gas station on Cheshire Bridge Road. While standing there, the officer saw a traffic accident. A man in a Ford Wrangler rear-ended a woman driving in front of him. They both pulled over, and the officer “walked across the street and over to them to make sure they were okay,” the officer wrote. The man said he didn’t have his driver’s license on him because he had left his wallet at a hotel on Buford Highway. But he gave his name to the officer. A computer check revealed the man’s driver’s license had been suspended since August 2007. Also, the man said his car insurance had expired.

So the officer called a tow truck to impound the car. The officer searched the man’s car and found a “laptop computer, pocket knives, tactical bags, large lighters, sunglasses, and brass knuckles.” He also found 5.8 grams of suspected methamphetamines, 9.5 grams of suspected hashish, less than half a gram of “raw green marijuana,” two Alprazolam (also known as Xanax) pills, an Adderall pill, and 1.5 Modafinil tablets. Also, the officer found three pipes, a scale and “a large amount of multi-colored baggies used for packaging narcotics.” The 36-year-old man went to jail on numerous charges.

HOUSING SLUMP BLUES: A Realtor said he was trying to sell a house on North Avenue that has been on the market for a while. He said he got an e-mail from a neighbor, who had noticed a door slightly ajar. The Realtor said he went to the house and the door hinge appeared broken. But he did not call police. He said he went home and returned the next day with a locksmith. The Realtor said he found in the kitchen: a purple butane lighter on the stovetop, four empty wrappers of Philipe’s Pizza, and an open bottle of Bud Light beer. An officer found four cardboard plates in the next room — and grease stains in the microwave. “There are two bathrooms in the dwelling,” the officer wrote. “Both have urine in them, indicating they were used.” The officer lifted fingerprints from the Bud Light bottle and the microwave oven. No suspects.

FUELING CRIME? At a Wal-Mart on Howell Mill Road, a security guard said a man allegedly took two items from the sewing area — and tried to leave the store without paying. He allegedly tried to steal two silver iron-on crystals (worth $43). According to the security guard, the man said he was stealing for gas money. He is a 20-year-old student from Sandersville, Ga. He went to jail on a shoplifting charge.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words. Want more? Listen to the Blotter Diva on 92.9’s (Dave FM) “The Zakk Tyler Morning Show” every Tuesday between 6:30-7 a.m.