The Blotter March 08 2012

A totally naked man was running around Buckhead Village just after midnight on a recent Saturday. Several officers tried to corral the nude dude, but he "would not get out of the roadway and attempted to grab a MARTA bus." Also, he was cursing, talking to himself, and "would not put his clothing on," an officer wrote. Apparently, he was also shaking his moneymaker at women walking by. Finally, the man confessed that, yep, he'd dropped acid earlier. Quickly, police called for medics to examine him. Our tripping man told a female medic, "Let's just go home and have an orgy, you know where it is." Minutes later, he yelled, "Turn the fucking music up, let's have a party!"

Despite that fun and creative suggestion, he was brought to jail instead. The psychedelic sex machine is a 20-year-old guy from Acworth.

PARTING SHOTS: No one reacts well to being fired, but some people handle it worse than others. A 43-year-old Roswell woman reportedly argued with her female boss and got canned at a Northside Drive office. She had some choice parting words for her boss. The woman allegedly said, "I'm gonna kill that stringy-haired bitch. I was trained in the Army to be a serial killer." When police arrived, the woman was long gone.

OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS: When a Grove Park woman awoke to the sound of her car alarm blaring, she looked out her window and saw a former co-worker armed with a hammer, smashing her car windows. (The former co-worker is a female who was dressed in a black top and red sweatpants.) The woman says that when she yelled out the former co-worker's name, the woman took off running. She says she believes the former co-worker took a hammer to her car because of "allegations of sexual misconduct" involving the co-worker's former lover. Damage to the woman's Audi topped $1,000.

RELOCATE NOW! Ever had a nightmare roommate who gets uptight about insignificant things? Check out the ridiculous tensions between two women in their 20s who share an apartment in the Old Fourth Ward. A 23-year-old woman said she arrived home and found an empty soap dispenser bottle on her bed. She took the empty soap dispenser and put it in the kitchen. Two hours later, the woman's roommate returned home and "stormed into her room, fussing about the soap dispenser not being thrown away." The woman said her roommate attacked her, scratched her face, punched her, and kicked her dog. (The woman had a visible scratch on her face.) The woman told police she doesn't know much about her female roommate other than her name. She doesn't know her roommate's date of birth or even her phone number. Hint: It's time to move. Like, right now.

DAZED & CONFUSED: In downtown Atlanta, a guy passed out behind the wheel of his black Ford F15 and managed to block several lanes of traffic at around 7 on a Saturday night. When an officer inspected, he noticed the car was in "drive," so he quickly put it in "park." The officer asked, "Sir, are you OK?" The sluggish man reportedly woke up "with spit hanging from his mouth," according to the police report. He was speaking verrrrry slowwwly. The man said he was tired from work, and that's why he fell asleep while driving home. He totally botched field sobriety tests, but blew a .00 on the blood-alcohol test. Then, the officer found a bottle of Oxycodone in the man's pocket. The man, 37, went to jail on a reckless driving charge.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.