Omnivore - Martha Stewart shares her prison crafts

I wake up every morning to NPR. Most days, it’s just as crappy as commercial radio, practicing that twisted version of “objectivity” that lets politicians lie their heads off without any confrontation by the interviewer.

Last Monday’s show included an utterly bizarre interview with Martha Stewart, who has — surprise! — yet another book out, Martha’s Entertaining: A Year of Celebrations.

As Martha prattles about the extravagant parties in her three homes, you can hear in host Linda Wertheimer’s voice a tone that screams, “Bitch, are you really this out of touch?”

No, of course not. Martha’s been to prison, after all (for ridiculous reasons, granted). Who knew she suffered for the baby Jesus? The first chapter of the book features a picture of a Nativity scene Martha made in the big house. She explains:

STEWART: When I was incarcerated at Alderson in West Virginia for a five-month term, they had a ceramics class. And in the ceramics class was a storage warehouse room, where I found all the molds for an entire large Nativity scene. It took me a long time to find each mold. And because I was raised a Catholic, I know the story. I know that...

WERTHEIMER: You know how many there should be.

STEWART: I know the characters, right. I know the wise men and the camels, and all of that. But it’s a big thing; I think there’s about 15 pieces. And I was able to purchase enough clay with my monthly stipend. And I forgo - forwent, is that a word, forwent?

STEWART: I didn’t get a lot of other things that I would’ve liked in that five-month period because I bought clay instead. And I molded the entire Nativity scene, and then I had to figure out how to paint it drab color, ‘cause there’s no - there’s - I think there’s six different colors of paint that you could get. But I managed a fashion a drab color, and it looks just like Wedgwood.

Poor Martha. She sacrificed her cigarettes (or something) for clay but came home to the Hamptons with priceless art.