Confessions of a corporate pot smoker

Don't be suckered by stereotypes. Burrito rollers, bass guitarists and alt-weekly journalists aren't the only people who work stoned. We found a corporate accountant who says that smoking a bowl or two makes preparing financial forecasts a breeze – a thick, pungent breeze. For obvious reasons, she doesn't want us to use her real name, so let's call her Mary Jane.

Where do you work?

I work for a software developer. I don't want to say the name.

How frequently do you smoke pot?

Daily for about 10 years now. Usually I come home from work and smoke pretty quickly.

How does pot make you feel?

Normal (laughs)! That's horrible. How does it make me feel? I almost want to say it's self-medication for anxiety. I'm managing money all day. The stress stays with you. All the companies I've worked at have had hard cash flow and it's stressful. Pot helps me go to sleep. It releases the tightness in the chest that builds up during the corporate day.

Do you tell people you work with that you smoke pot?

I hide it. Except at my last job. I'd go to my boss's house after work and smoke.

Do you ever go to work high?

Very rarely. In corporate America, you have to be responsible. But I'll get high and do work at home. My last job was doing financial forecasting. I would go home, get high and do the financial forecasting at night. I would wake up the next morning and check my work and it was always right.

Is pot a performance-enhancing drug for accounting?

Not really. There's a time and a place for it. Pot can kill your motivation.

Is there a downside to smoking weed?

It's illegal, so you have to be careful when you buy it and bring it home.

What about memory loss?

Yes. Yes! And the memory loss stays with me when I'm sober. Repeat the question.

Tell us how you get your pot.

It gets harder when you get older. When I was young and waited tables or worked in bars, people would sometimes tip with pot. Right now I get it from a friend. I send her text messages.

Is there a code?

Yes, but I can't tell you.

Tell me an old code then.

For a while I'd text her, "You got any pizza?" She knows what I'm talking about. "Cabbages" is another one, which really doesn't make any sense. "You got any cabbages?" "Avon products" is a another one.

Do you have a favorite kind of weed?

I'll take what I can get. You can smell the goodness. It needs to smell like pine trees, and have red hairs and crystals on it. And no seeds. My favorite is any kind that gives you energy without fogging up your head. That's the perfect kind to me.

How much do you spend?

From $130 to $165 a quarter (ounce). It used to be less than $100. It's actually gone up as the economy has gone down, which is strange because more people seem to be selling it now. The girl I buy from only started selling because she was getting less regular work. She only sells pot, by the way.

Do you think pot should be legalized?

Absolutely. It's frustrating. Alcohol is much more dangerous than pot. Pot does much less damage to society. You've heard about lazy potheads who won't get up off the couch, but no pot-fuelled fights.

So are pot smokers lazy?

Sometimes. But they can be really productive and responsible members of society. And they're everywhere.

More By This Writer


Monday July 2, 2012 10:14 am EDT
Fourth of July has devolved into a mindless national block party. Here's what we should do about it. | more...


Wednesday September 7, 2011 04:30 am EDT
Ten years later, a TV terrorpalooza rings hollow | more...


Tuesday September 7, 2010 09:11 am EDT


My favorite foreign policy column cliché of the previous decade is, without a doubt, the Friedman Unit.

It’s a reference to New York Times foreign policy columnist Thomas Friedman. Fair and Accuracy in Reporting noted that, between November 2003 and May 2006, Friedman used some form of the phrase “the next six months is crucial in Iraq”...

| more...


Thursday August 26, 2010 02:42 pm EDT

The last U.S. combat troops left Iraq on August 19. War over. Woohoo!

Take that, you stupid 9/11 terrorists who had absolutely nothing at all to do with Saddam Hussein or Iraq. Boo ya!

No. Wait. Upon further review, it turns out the war isn’t exactly over.

The combat troops are out, but there are still roughly 50,000 non-combat troops in Iraq. Iraq still has the third largest foreign...

| more...


Tuesday August 24, 2010 12:04 am EDT

As someone who had to turn on the closed captioning during The Wire, I totally get this.

The Associated Press:

ATLANTA — Federal agents are seeking to hire Ebonics translators to help interpret wiretapped conversations involving targets of undercover drug investigations.

The Drug Enforcement Administration recently sent memos asking companies that provide translation services to help it find...

| more...
Search for more by Andisheh Nouraee

[Admin link: Confessions of a corporate pot smoker]