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THE BLOTTER: What’s up, Doc?

Sleeping it off in a bed of carrots

Blot0919 Carrot Coma
Photo credit: ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER

RATHER RIPPED: In East Atlanta Village at 7 a.m, a security alarm started ringing inside a Korean restaurant. A police officer responded to the alarm call.
“When I arrived I observed the front door … was damaged and open,” the officer noted. “I looked inside — and there appeared to be a person lying down on a table of the kitchen area of the restaurant.” The door lock had been ripped out and flung on the restaurant floor.
The cop decided to call for backup. “When we walked through the restaurant, we observed whole carrots in the area … where the man was lying on the kitchen table. One of the carrots appeared to have a bite taken out of it. Next to the carrots, sat an open can of Pellegrino water.”
Perplexed, cops did not wake the man sprawled on the kitchen table — yet.
One cop walked outside and asked a few familiar EAV homeless people: Does anyone know this mystery guy? Nope. But one had seen the mystery guy passed out in the Village on Flat Shoals Road earlier.
Finally, cops woke up the mystery man on the kitchen table. The 39-year-old man was surprised to learn he’d been eating carrots and napping inside a closed Korean restaurant.  “I’m really drunk and don’t remember the last half of the evening,” he admitted. The only thing he knew for sure: His Wells Fargo debit card was missing.
His night of revelry didn’t go over well with the restaurant’s owner, who pressed charges for breaking and entering. Cops took the 39-year-old to jail. One upside: Apparently, the carrots were free. The man wasn’t charged for the stolen carrots he consumed.
BALONEY BLUES: In Westside Atlanta, two guys in their 50s were having lunch on Jefferson Street. They decided to trade sandwiches. Guy #1 trades his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for Guy #2’s baloney sandwich. The trade goes smoothly — and the two men devour their respective sandwiches.
After the food is gone, Guy #1 reveals that Guy #2 could have kept his baloney sandwich and gotten a free PBJ. Guy #1 says, “Hey, if you’re still hungry, there are extra peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches on a table in the lunchroom. For free.”
Guy #2 gets angry, yelling, “Don’t tell me what to do, motherfucker!” Then he walks away.
Minutes later, Guy #2 returns — and punches Guy #1 in the right ear.
COP’S UNLUCKY DAY: An officer got a call about a lovers’ dispute erupting in a Reynoldstown home. When the cop arrived, both lovers were gone. In the front yard, a few people milled about. One said the boyfriend and girlfriend both took off running toward Berean Avenue. So the cop hopped into his patrol car and headed that way. Quickly, the cop spotted the running boyfriend, and yelled, “Stop, let’s talk and figure this out.” Boyfriend keeps running. “I was then able to pull ahead of the male in my city vehicle and exit the patrol car,” the cop noted. “I grabbed the male by his shirt … and the male yelled, ‘She’s just mad I caught her cheating.’”
The cop and boyfriend talk for a minute. Suddenly, the boyfriend yells, “Your car is rolling backward!”  Sure enough, the cop’s patrol car is now rolling at a brisk speed down the street. The cop hops into the car, trying to hit the brakes … but it’s too late. The patrol car slams “into a pole at the intersection of Narrow Street and Berean Avenue.” The cop walks over to inspect the damage, and the boyfriend sprints away.
Eventually, the cop secures his patrol car and goes back to the couple’s Reynoldstown home to check on the feuding lovers. All OK. No one wants to press charges. The girlfriend says she only called police because she wanted her cell phone back — and the boyfriend took off running with her phone. But since he’s returned her cell phone, she’s not mad.
The cop’s patrol car sustained significant damage. Plus, the cop’s body got a bit banged up. “I did hurt my elbow and left leg when I attempted to stop the vehicle, but I did not need medical attention,” he noted.
GOOD HELP IS HARD TO FIND: At a pizza place on Glenwood Avenue, trouble broke out in the kitchen over dough. The shift leader told a female employee that she wasn’t folding the pizza dough correctly. Apparently, the female employee didn’t handle the dough criticism very well. The pizza restaurant’s manager stepped in and told the female employee to go home and cool off. Then, while the manager was taking out the trash, a male employee said he didn’t want to work there any more. So who does the pizza manager call to cover the quitter’s shift? The lousy-dough-folding female employee he just sent home. She returns to work. Then, the male employee who just quit his job … suddenly starts throwing produce and food all over the place. “I observed pepperoni, sausage, banana peppers, and olives on the floor,” an officer noted.
YOU BE ILLIN’: Around 3 a.m, a cop observed a guy walking near the Bobby Jones Golf Course on Northside Drive … and stopped him to make sure he was OK. The man, age 31, was carrying a travel bag of clothes. “The man told me that he wants to go to the hospital, because he is suffering from an illness that is causing his body to eat his muscles,” the officer noted. Also, the man insisted proteins are blocking his kidney, which makes it difficult for him to pee. “He goes on to tell me his kidney is hurting, his back hurts — and his feet are on fire.” So the officer calls Grady medics. The man keeps talking while they wait for medics to arrive … insisting that he’s also a wanted outlaw man with a mental illness and violent tendencies.
The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.



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