THE BLOTTER: Twerking videos and pepper spray

DANCING QUEEN: On Ponce de Leon Avenue around 4 a.m., a dispute broke out at Domino’s Pizza. 
A 25-year-old female employee was preparing to close the store for the night, when she noticed two young guys hanging out near the store’s front door. 
The employee said she “pointed to a sign with the store hours” but the two lingering guys didn’t budge. So she walked over and opened the front door to speak to the two guys. The moment the door opened, Suspect #1 (a guy wearing a denim jumpsuit and a colorful scarf) started yelling, “You don’t remember me, bitch!” while squirting pepper spray into the female employee’s face.
Suspect #2 (a chubby guy wearing black biker shorts and a brown Louis Vuitton scarf) started laughing about the employee’s face getting pepper-sprayed. He then “attempted to throw an electronic scooter” at another pizza employee. Moments later, Suspect #1 ran west on Ponce, while Suspect #2 ran east on Ponce.
The pepper-sprayed female employee chased Suspect #2 for a while, finally giving up on Monroe Drive. She started walking back to Domino’s, when she spotted Suspect #1 hanging out at the corner gas station with a lady wearing all black.
The employee said Suspect #1 started taunting her and baiting her into a fight, all while clutching the pepper-spray in his hand.
According to the police report, “She said Suspect #1 sprayed her again and she began to fight him in the street. She said she fell to the ground, and he kept spraying her until her shirt was drenched with the chemical.” Then, the Lady in Black jumped into the fray, hitting the Domino’s employee’s head, while screaming that Suspect #1 was just a teenager.
During the altercation, the female employee dropped and lost her IPhone 7, which was in a lime green case. 
When police arrived, the Domino’s employee explained the strange backstory involving Suspect #1. According to the officer’s notes, “About two or three months ago, Suspect #1 came into the Domino’s store and made a video of himself twerking (a dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance) on Facebook Live. So the female employee refused to serve him, Suspect #1. She said this is the only contact she’s ever had with Suspect #1 and she didn’t even recognize him when she opened the front door this evening. Also, she added, Suspect #1 and #2 appear to be gay men due to their feminine behaviors, and the Lady in Black may be a lesbian based on her “manliness behavior.”
The police officer noted, “The female employee said according to other nearby restaurant managers, Suspect #1 is known for coming into businesses and recording twerking videos of himself.”
CRAPPY BEHAVIOR: Just outside the Atlanta City Public Safety Headquarters on Peachtree Street: Yes, that’s where a man decided to loiter. “The man was lying down on the sidewalk with his feet in the street,” an officer wrote. “He was lying with his head on his book bag and his feet were crossed.” 
Pedestrians had to walk over the man to cross the street. An officer asked him to leave. “I asked the man if he spoke English because he turned his head sideways while I was speaking to him,” the officer noted. 
“I speak Arabic,” the man responded in perfect English. 
The officer detained him, and asked for his name. “I have two names,” the man responded. “My name is on a piece of paper in my bag.” 
Eventually, he revealed his name. “I asked him if I removed the handcuffs, would he leave the area in front of headquarters,” the officer wrote, “He shook his head no.” So the man was arrested and taken into custody. 
One surprise remained: “I inventoried the bags he had with him,” the officer recalled. “One of the bags had feces inside of it.”
STONED SHOPPER’S ETIQUETTE: At the Target store on Piedmont Road, a shopper’s unusual techniques required police intervention. The first sign of trouble: A pair of shoes went missing. Plus, a pair of well-worn shoes was found nearby. A female employee called her manager, and they both started looking for the shoe thief. According to the police report, “They found a man in a red-colored shirt and green pants lying on the floor with no shoes. The man appeared to be intoxicated or under the influence of something. He got up and said he was going to buy some stuff. He grabbed some clothing items and walked to the self-check out area, where he began taking his pants off. He dropped his pants and shoes next to him, as he attempted to check out. (An employee) said the man was at a cash register, attempting to pay with marijuana.” 
Police officers arrived and found the man “talking to himself and staring at the cash register. There was slobber coming from his mouth, as he stood unbalanced, “ an officer noted. “He did admit to taking Xanax.” 
The man’s green pants were still on the floor. Police searched the pants pockets, finding a pill bottle containing “seven hits of ecstasy pills shaped as ghosts.” The man, age 23, went to jail on multiple charges.
WHEN DOVES CRY: A woman said her red wallet was stolen, while her entire family was outside on Greenbriar Parkway releasing doves for a dead family member. The woman said she had to pee right before the dove-releasing portion of the funeral began. So she asked a female friend to hold her purse while she went to the restroom. The friend’s purse-holding skill evaporated entirely just moments later. She got distracted and followed everyone outside to release the doves, leaving the purse on a downstairs table. The woman said her missing red Louis Vuitton wallet contained $150 cash and credit cards.
MISSION BOOM BOOM: In the Custer-McDonough-Guice neighborhood, a cop was patrolling near an apartment complex. Suddenly, he heard a “loud thump” on his police car. “An empty firework shell filled with dirt had been thrown against my vehicle,” he noted. “After briefly looking for suspects, I was unable to find any.”
Five minutes later, BOOM. “Another thump under my patrol car, followed by an immediate large explosion,” the cop noted. “A firework had exploded near the gas tank.” In a bizarre twist, the cop inspected his car — and saw zero signs of physical damage. The only problem: a weird noise. The car was “idling with an unusual vibration.”
Again, the cop searched for fireworks culprits — nothing. So he called for backup. Four police officers, plus a security guard, arrived. Moments later, BOOM. “We heard another firework being shot” from the woods. “I then saw another firework spiraling horizontally toward us from a dirt path shortcut leading to the apartment complex,” the cop noted. “About two seconds later, it exploded between all of us at a very low height. We immediately went to the woodline to search for suspects but were unable to find any.” The cops regrouped for a moment after the search. Another firework zoomed in, leaving a small bruise on one officer’s head. The culprits remain on the loose.
WORST. WANNABE. BURGLARS. EVER: Just north of Centennial Park, a woman heard weird noises coming from her side window. She peered through the blinds, and saw a guy trying to pry open her window.
A 32-year-old man said he witnessed the whole thing — since he was standing outside the apartment entrance on McAfee Street. He saw a young group (definitely under age 21) lingering near the woman’s window. The group consisted of two shirtless young dudes, one female, and a tall guy wearing a neon-yellow traffic vest.
Only one group member was actually trying to pry open the side window: Neon-yellow vest guy, the loudest dresser of the bunch. The rest of them just stood around.
The witness said exactly one word to the group: “Really?”
Moments later, one guy whispered, “It’s just not worth it! ”
The whole group took off running.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.