THE BLOTTER: Don’t bank on it 2022

A 37-year-old woman wearing a robot Halloween mask and a flower-print dress allegedly tried to rob a Wells Fargo bank in Warner Robins, GA. She walked in and told people inside, “This is a stickup, this is a robbery. Get down or else.”

The masked woman argued with several bank employees — and ultimately left without any money, according to WSB-TV Action News.

Her next move was bizarre. The woman — moments after trying to rob a bank — went shopping at the Walmart located directly behind to the bank. Police arrived and promptly arrested her at the Walmart.

Police say the woman was armed with a weapon, but they aren’t confirming what type of weapon.

Flying off the handle

An ex-Playboy model and Baywatch “actress” allegedly had an expletive-filled meltdown and assaulted an 80-year-old fellow passenger on a recent Delta flight from Tampa to Atlanta.

The “actress” was returning from the plane’s bathroom to her seat — but a flight attendant with a drink cart was blocking her way, according to Tribune News Service and Fox News.

The flight attendant asked the “actress” to find an open seat until beverage service was completed.

“What am I, Rosa Parks?” the “actress” reportedly told the flight attendant.

The 80-year-old seated passenger overheard her “Rosa Parks” comment and got involved. He told the “actress” that she “isn’t Black” and they aren’t on a bus or in Alabama.

“Put your fucking mask on,” the “actress” screamed at the 80-year-old.

“I’m eating and can do it with my mask off,” he replied. “Do you want me to pour this over your head, god damn?”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that,” the “actress” yelled.

“I’ll talk to you any fucking way I want to,” the 80-year-old shouted.

“Sit your ass down,” the “actress” screamed.

“Sit down, Karen,” yelled the 80-year-old. (No, the “actress”’s name isn’t Karen. It’s the insult “Karen.”)

“You’ve got your mask down, bitch,” the 80-year-old man told the “actress.”

“Did you just call me a bitch?” the “actress” responded.

“Yes, I did,” said the 80-year-old man.

Moments later, the “actress” allegedly hit the 80-year-old man’s head “with a closed fist” and spit on him.

“Now, you’re going to jail,” the 80-year-old man replied, throwing in the b-word and the p-word a few more times.

Flight attendants had to restrain the “actress.” When the plane finally landed, Atlanta police officers met her at the gate and arrested the ex-Playboy model and Baywatch “actress” on federal assault charges.

Madcap racing

At 9 p.m. in Coweta County, a middle-aged male stranger knocked up on a woman’s front door on New Street and issued one demand: Return his go-cart. Now.

The woman opened her front door and listened. She’d never met this middle-aged stranger before.

The woman said: I don’t know what you are talking about. She said she didn’t have his go-cart.

The middle-aged stranger responded by allegedly pointing a gun at her head, and kidnapping her.

The woman was forced into a waiting minivan, which was being driven by another guy. They took the woman to a convenience store in nearby Whitesburg, GA.

The middle-aged stranger asked the woman: Are you afraid? Yes, the woman responded, explaining again that she does not have his precious go-kart. The stranger went into the convenience store to buy something. Around this time, the woman made a quick, frantic call to her female friend, who contacted authorities.

The stranger walked out of the convenience store, hopped back in the minivan and told his driver to go back to the woman’s neighborhood in Coweta County. When they arrived outside her home, the stranger and the woman got out. The minivan driver sped away.

The middle-aged stranger and the woman — now crying and upset — were both outside her home when Coweta County Sheriff’s deputies showed up. Quickly, deputies used a stun-gun to subdue the stranger. Officers searched him and found a 9mm handgun in his pocket “along with two smoking pipes that tested positive for methamphetamine,” reported the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

The stranger, age 56, was arrested and charged with kidnapping, aggravated assault, gun possession by a convicted felon, and several drug-related offenses.

And his go-kart? Never found.

From fame to shame

A string of celebs are among the 19 people recently charged in Georgia for allegedly scamming more than $3 million total from the federal Paycheck Protection Program.

Here’s how the scam worked: Each one allegedly made up a fake business and fake employees in order to apply for a PPP loan. An Atlanta man who works as a business consultant allegedly showed them how to do it. Then, the Atlanta man helped them make loan applications to PPP based on agreed-upon fake numbers. When the celebs (and others) received their PPP loan money, they paid a “success fee” to an Atlanta man. (The success fee equals 2%-5% of the total loan amount.) The Atlanta man reportedly raked in $600,000 in “success fees.”

According to the AJC, the celebs include Ion Overman, an actress who appeared in Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail; “Clos” Stephens, a music producer who has worked with Master P and Little Romeo; Dale Godboldo, an actor in Thor; and hip-hop media personality Marvin Lewton, also known as OG Shadi Powers.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and local news reports — and puts them into her own words.